Okay, I need the kid to end up back at the lighthouse, but why would he go there again after what happened the last time? He knows it's dangerous. So why go?
Maybe if I fix a glass of water for myself, the answer will come to me.
All right, here we go. Kid, lighthouse, right. He goes back because.... something draws him there. So what's that "something?"
I haven't checked my email in a few minutes. Orbitz...boner pills... note from the wife. I'll write a quick response.
(clap enthusiastically, crack neck) Right on, kid and lighthouse, lighthouse and kid. There's absolutely no reason for him to go back. This movie's gonna suck. You're terrible at this.
Oh look, my wife responded to my response. My "Incoming Mail" sound is Captain Tupelov from Hunt for Red October saying "You arrogant ass! You've killed US". I love that movie, but every time I get an email, Tupelov's voice jolts the bejeezus out of me. I should probably change it. Maybe I should take care of that right now.
Kid and lighthouse. Fuck.
Is it five yet? A vodka tonic sounds super excellent, but it's only four thirty. Then again, if I play a game of computer chess, I can use indirect thought to solve the lighthouse problem, and by the time the game is finished, I can have a cocktail in good conscience.
Chess it is.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
"Get Off My Lawn, You Little Bastards!"
Sunday's LA Times ran an article by sports columnist Bill Plaschke entitled "Brady is just Johnny Come Lately" . In it, Plaschke maintains that Tom Brady is NOT one of the great quarterbacks in history and refers to examples of other quarterbacks performing feats that almost compare to Brady's own. For instance, to counter Brady's 15-2 playoff record, Plaschke cites Joe Montana's 9-1 playoff record, as if that's..... better? Plaschke's conclusion is that Brady's incredible career really isn't noteworthy because he's not "old school"; EG, that his plays are called through a microphone in his helmet.
By that rationale, Bill, there's no reason to be a football fan anymore. You're suggesting that in this era's game (which perhaps should be renamed "New Football"?), there's nothing left to cheer for, and there can be no fresh heroes. After all, if a quarterback who continues to achieve what no other in history has (and whose team and fans are utterly devoted to him), doesn't qualify as a "great", who possibly could? Before you say "Brett Favre", let me remind you that he wears a helmet mic too.
My point, Bill, is that you've effectively told your readers that the game of football is dead. How wonderfully inspiring. How can you imply something like that on the eve of quite possibly the most anticipated Super Bowl ever? What exactly does Brady need to do to MAKE him one of the greats, in your eyes? He holds every friggin' record there is, and he's only 30! Oh wait, shit.... Tom Brady exists in the present, which clearly negates his accomplishments.
Bill, you know what kind of people complain about how the past was better? Old people. You're a grumpy, cane-waving Mr. Wilson, which pretty much renders you irrelevant as a sports columnist. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go inform Tiger Woods that he sucks at golf because he didn't play in the 1960's.
By that rationale, Bill, there's no reason to be a football fan anymore. You're suggesting that in this era's game (which perhaps should be renamed "New Football"?), there's nothing left to cheer for, and there can be no fresh heroes. After all, if a quarterback who continues to achieve what no other in history has (and whose team and fans are utterly devoted to him), doesn't qualify as a "great", who possibly could? Before you say "Brett Favre", let me remind you that he wears a helmet mic too.
My point, Bill, is that you've effectively told your readers that the game of football is dead. How wonderfully inspiring. How can you imply something like that on the eve of quite possibly the most anticipated Super Bowl ever? What exactly does Brady need to do to MAKE him one of the greats, in your eyes? He holds every friggin' record there is, and he's only 30! Oh wait, shit.... Tom Brady exists in the present, which clearly negates his accomplishments.
Bill, you know what kind of people complain about how the past was better? Old people. You're a grumpy, cane-waving Mr. Wilson, which pretty much renders you irrelevant as a sports columnist. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go inform Tiger Woods that he sucks at golf because he didn't play in the 1960's.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Shit begets shit
I've been trying to think of a catchy subtitle for this blog. The sole contender so far has been "Got shit to say". (Get it? Eh? Eh? Groan...) But I've since nixed it, realizing that I really don't have much to say, which makes the irony exactly 50% less clever. Frankly, this blog only exists so that I can squat on the domain name. How's that for incentive to return? Hoo-rah!
I have to give respect to my friend Johnny, who has given his blog, Metroville, what is perhaps my favorite subtitle of all time - "Finally.... a website". Of course, Metroville is an actual blog with actual readers, unlike Coggblogger, which is simply a way for its handsome and hairy-nippled creator to smell his own farts.
I have to give respect to my friend Johnny, who has given his blog, Metroville, what is perhaps my favorite subtitle of all time - "Finally.... a website". Of course, Metroville is an actual blog with actual readers, unlike Coggblogger, which is simply a way for its handsome and hairy-nippled creator to smell his own farts.
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